*sssssssssssssssssssss

I am thoroughly angry. Enraged, in moments. It isn't good for me, and I'm even somewhat angry that I'm angry. It's like a defeat in itself. I think there is steam coming out of my ears. That might be funny except that I am actually angry.

UUUGGGH.

Why can't it be easier to do what's right? Why can't I just decide to "feel" the right way and then feel the right way?

I may look nice on the outside, but in some deep down important things, I am very stubborn. And I like it. Kind of. Actually it's like a weight around my ankle, reminding me of doom, but I am yet stubborn. It's like I recently read in a book--"my will hadn't been broken yet." What will it take with me? Will I knock my head against the wall for the rest of my life? How does one submit one's will? My will is doing everything in its power to never submit! I can't even catch it, it's running the other way so fast.

So my anger has me simmering, and yet I'm not happy I'm angry. I don't want to be angry because there is a good reason for what's being done. I basically trust the person I'm angry at, though obviously I am still angry--go figure. In theory I basically fully trust this person. Good thing it's proving so effective in moderating my emotions. Yeah right.

If I knew what submission was, I might try it right now...

posted by LizC @ 3/26/2009 01:02:00 AM