Back at Last

Hello, everyone. This blog has been long in coming. I need to go back and fill in a bunch of stuff to make this (the blog overall) more complete. But for now, I'll talk about what it's like to be back.

Today is Tuesday. We got in around 6:30 Saturday night, and made it through the airport stuff to see our families. It felt kind of like we were athletes or heroes coming home as we got our luggage and wheeled through customs, because I knew my family was waiting on the other side and had been waiting a long time. It was really great to see them and Justin's family. It felt like it was an evening where nothing could go wrong, or a start to a new life (yeah, I really felt like that). We got to eat dinner with our families together, and then I had a nice ride home with my family.

Since I have been home, I really notice the adjusting. I went in my room and looked at the stuff I had lying around as though it was not mine, because I had been gone so long I forgot what was there. I knew that would happen, and before I left I tried to clean out, but I ran out of time. Also, though I was so excited to have "new" clothes to wear again (not the same five--it seemed like that was how many clothes I had to wear at Riva), it turned out I was just as unsatisfied with my options when I opened my drawers. That made me feel like 1) I wasn't actually gone that long, and 2) I hadn't really changed that much. My family has been working on the house while I was gone, so it's been weird here in that regard also--the bathroom is under construction, so I am showering downstairs.

Personally, it's been the same and different to be back here. I have such a different daily schedule than I did in Riva, and my activities are totally different. I sort of have more time to myself, because I'm alone for a lot of the day, but actually I don't really, because I've been running around trying to get a job and spending lots of time online looking and also lots of time trying to help out, since Mom is working almost full time now. It's kind of disappointing, because I really hoped to have a few days (ideally many days, but that's not realistic) to sort out myself and my stuff, but I haven't been able to. And as soon as I get a job, I will probably start working very soon after. So essentially, I've had very little time to reflect on where I am as a person now.

More practical things... Driving has been fun. My car feels so good. It's warm outside, so the engine runs great, and it is nice to have the pleasure of operating my car again. I was very careful and slow at first, because I didn't want to stall out a bunch or jolt forward and hit something, but actually the problem at first was more realizing how to look out for other cars on the road, not remembering how to use my car. I'm doing pretty well with that now. I find that I am pretty aware of "firsts," like my first time being on campus, or my first time driving on this or that road, or my first real conversation with such and such. Also, I think I expect that this huge event in my life is big enough that it will get big attention from other people. To some degree, that's true, in that they are excited for me, and depending on who it is, excited that I'm back, but also they've carried on their lives here just fine while I've been gone. It's a weird feeling to realize how much I've assumed.

It's been strange talking to people too. I find that I've been more likely to just be myself around them, more than I used to. That is good, I think. I'm not sure why exactly; I think maybe because I realize that the person I used to SEEM around them was not really me, and why pick up that person and put her on again when I haven't worn her for months? I really like this, though I think I need to work on just being a nicer, more caring me, because I do feel a little disjointed and out of sorts--not too bad, but some.

Also, there's the inevitable answering the same question over and over, which I DO appreciate, people asking about the trip--but I have come up with an answer to give: "Um, it was cool, fun, we saw a lot of stuff, but it was also tiring and challenging." or something like that. I think a form answer is fine.

And...what else? Academically, I think this is the first semester where I have pretty quickly decided to throw away my stuff from it. I think it's partly due to the classes I was taking (won't need the stuff for reference like in some other classes), but also a new mentality I have, perhaps affected by needing to travel light on all those trips and realizing what you can do without. It's kind of cool, actually. :)

Well, I need to go to dinner. I think that about wraps it up for my backward reflections, though I guess in reflecting backward like that I just realized I haven't made too many expectations for looking forward. Interesting. I'll have to do that. :) Bye.

posted by LizC @ 5/03/2005 07:34:00 PM